I'm a narcissist.
There. It's done. I admit it. I am a self absorbed creature by nature. I was born crying at every discomfort and hollering for attention to get things done. I simply, just never stopped.
Everyone has their own brand of narcissism. Mine is senseless babbling on and on about myself. I became one of those people who can't stop talking about themselves, as if rehashing my problems and personal issues over and over again would solve them. I give my friends credit for listening to the same old bullshit for years and always appearing to care, even when they probably wanted to strangle me. (Thanks guys!)
But I am woman, damnit and by God you will hear me Roar! And roar....and roar...and roar some more. But when does it stop? When do I stop roaring and actually listen? When do I stop crying and complaining and actually let go of all the self involved pettiness? When do I stop caring about what people say about me when my back is turned? When do I let go of that insecure thirteen year old trapped inside that cringes every time I look in the mirror? When do I evolve into something more than myself?
I would have asked my new therapist last Thursday but she just graduated to "pull-ups", so I wasn't confident she could help. Instead I turned to Rene Descartes, the famous philosopher who said "Je pense donc je suis" or " I think therefore I am". Which I interpreted as: It's okay to be self absorbed but don't drown yourself. Self awareness is like a magical spell we put on ourselves. We have to use it for good and not evil. In other words, if I stop condemning myself to the past and personal issues I won't evolve. I will always be stuck there. If I want to evolve and grow I have to let the problems go.
Wow. Looky there.....I think I'm evolving. So I am. :)
