Drowning Myself

I'm a narcissist. 

There.  It's done.  I admit it.  I am a self absorbed creature by nature.  I was born crying at every discomfort and hollering for attention to get things done.  I simply, just never stopped.

Everyone has their own brand of narcissism.  Mine is senseless babbling on and on about myself.  I became one of those people who can't stop talking about themselves, as if rehashing my problems and personal  issues over and over again would solve them.  I give my friends credit for listening to the same old bullshit for years and always appearing to care, even when they probably wanted to strangle me.  (Thanks guys!)

But I am woman, damnit and by God you will hear me Roar! And roar....and roar...and roar some more.  But when does it stop?  When do I stop roaring and actually listen? When do I stop crying and complaining and actually let go of all the self involved pettiness? When do I stop caring about what people say about me when my back is turned?  When do I let go of that insecure thirteen year old trapped inside that cringes every time I look in the mirror?  When do I evolve into something more than myself? 

I would have asked my new therapist last Thursday but she just graduated to "pull-ups", so I wasn't confident she could help.  Instead I turned to Rene Descartes, the famous philosopher who said "Je pense donc je suis" or " I think therefore I am".  Which I interpreted as:  It's okay to be self absorbed but don't drown yourself.  Self awareness is like a magical spell we put on ourselves.  We have to use it for good and not evil.  In other words, if I stop condemning myself to the past and personal issues I won't evolve.  I will always be stuck there.  If I want to evolve and grow I have to let the problems go. 

Wow.  Looky there.....I think I'm evolving.  So I am.  :)